karmafire's Blog

The Muslims begin their holy days today.  They fast from sunrise to sunset.  I will do the fast.  I juice fast for 2 to 5 days to detox my system.  I think it is important to remember that our bodies are holy vessles that house our soul.  It is our responsibility to let our bodies and all organs to rest.  The blood is able to release toxins if it is not so busy doing other things like digesting food.  The blood gets clean, the liver purifies itself and who knows the other benefits.  Fasting helps you get focused on water, health and stop silly habits.  Do your own research.  And give that great body of yours a rest!!! 

Namaste
 

I am Generation Xer- my parents the infamous BABY BOOMERs lived in the Golden Age- at least their youth was- High School Sweethearts-UGGGG if I hear that one more time!!!- Mayberry, Mom's Home, Leave It To Beaver, Pleasantville- and thus I lived through the the Dark Ages.  The only problem with BB is that they forgot their beautiful existence in H.S- and assumed that we all had the same luxuries- They did not think or check.  I am still a little pissed- my education was crap- theirs was incredible, this is the real tragedy. 

I was a youth long ago, and I am finally coming out of the forest, stronger, but dazed nevertheless. I was fourteen in the middle 1980’s. This is when the youth war began. We could say that the hippies dropped the ball or dropped the peace pipe. They were only pretending anyway, a bunch of white wanna-be Native Americans. The sad thing is that this was 100 times better than now, and that is a pathetic statement. I say it was a war because youth were fighting something unknown. It was like a riot of fools making their own rules. And the front lines were about the ones who did not fit vs. the populars, the groups.

I moved from Northern California which had small town- Walton’s kind of ethic to Mesa, Arizona. Mesa was the new and improved modern desert city. I took a train down to the underworld, and arrived at a barren alienated town full of the dead. The descent began when I began my female blood cycle. All things changed after this event. I had to cut the magical cord of childhood and find my way to adulthood, with no landmarks, no gurus, only jesters and fools who were the same age as me.

I felt like Kore the maiden, who was kidnapped by Hades, and I could not find my mother, I was abducted. I did not become Persphone until I was 28 years old. I, the naïve-medium-looks-more-flesh-than-bone-fanatically-introverted-gracefully-athletic-mountain girl-outsider who was open to everything except the despair that would eat me alive.

The school was new. The school was the war, the front lines, the place of value now. The parents are like the military that trained you. They were ignorant to what the youth war was like, but they sent you just the same, because it was the norm. It was like I was trained with a special unit, I got extra weird training not from the manual, but sometimes you got put in the wrong platoon.

So there are the bright new walls or the school shining with expectations that I could not meet. The adults were good spewing out meaningless rules and requirements. There were other rules not spoken or written. These were created by the youth and all youth seemed to instinctively know each commandment. These commandments were valued at all cost by the students.

• Groups are sacred.
• Drinking is the initiation to be popular.
• Have a boyfriend or girlfriend or die.
• You are a mutant if you do not try to impress someone.
• If you do not wear the right designer clothes you are a freak.

It was thick like a heavy humid day in the south. It weighed on me. I wanted to cut through it, but I did not know how and so it began to swallow me up. It began to seep into every pore of my being, it was a dark falseness.

I sat on the edge of the cage. The adults threw us all in a fenced yard for lunch like animals that were ready to tear them apart. I sat on the outside, not far enough away to escape the consciousness of the groups, surfers, stoners, jocks and ultimately the populars. The language was known by all of us, even though nothing was formally written or spoken. The unspoken rule about an outsider is that she must be initiated in and if she is not chosen – she will never have a friend. Not all could talk the talk and walk the walk. I was not dysfunctional nor a misfit. I was not fat, too tall, too smart or too ugly. I played ball on the first string basketball team, I was more attractive than some. You could not put your finger on it. I was talented, but too quiet and proud. It was like being an Indian amongst the Cowboys. The Indian was the original cowboy, the original mountain man, the original plain spoken warrior, that did not talk unless he had something to say. So here you have an Indian who is worthy to be initiated into the group, but the cowboys are hesitant. The Indian’s silence is uncomfortable, it makes the cowboys nervous. They just don’t say anything. So there is a chasm of space that keeps getting wider. The Indian is extremely proud and will not join those he despises, but knows he must join to survive this day and this world.

So here is where the stairway descends into the dark underworld. I am a side show. Every day I take another step down. I sit alone at lunch. They are ignoring me. And it is not just the populars who ignore me, everyone in the cage take their actions to be sacred and final, so no one steps forward, not one soul notices me. So as they act, so do I become more devout in my pride, and slowly I rip my own soul into tiny pieces as if I am a killer chopping my soul into tiny to pieces. As I descend, the populars are handing out program guides, for the activities or rules of the Lunch Hour Festival.

THE DRAGONS WILL DEVOUR A VIRGIN’S SOUL AT 12:15 AFTER THE PIZZA IS SERVED

LONELINESS IS THE PRICE FOR INDEPENDENCE- WATCH THE INTROVERT CRY

SACRIFICE YOUR PRIDE AND BE A POPULAR GIRL

GIVE AWAY VIRGINITY TO A BOY AND HE WILL LOVE YOU THROUGH THE LUNCH HOUR

WANTED: EMPTY FEMALE NEEDED TO DRINK, PLAY PRETTY, ABLE TO GIVE BODY UPON REQUEST

Send application to Cheerleaders without a Soul

Center Table at Lunch Yard,

Any Town, USA

The dragons are the groups so involved with themselves but aware enough to observe outsiders like me. I am so obvious in my inadequate ability to join my peers, even though they are pathetically false. It was as if they sucked energy out of me and used it to become more powerful in their purpose.

For six months I endured a land of nothingness and no one could reach me. I was without friends. I might as well be dead. I was a ghost. This world was all about friends, it was breathing, and it was everything. I feel I failed. Parents are just shadows. They can’t help you in the outside world where the values are made by young fools. I became depressed and it did not really go away until I graduated out of high school. I went to other high schools. I moved back to my home town for one semester met up with all my old friends- was normal and it was beautiful, but then we moved to Florida- which was another wet wasteland.

Those six months of desperation made me angry and sad. I could not let it go until I left and returned to my sacred place, California. For a long time I thought I was psychotic, but a teen in America is faced with an amazing amount of negative influence. It is amazing that more people don’t have psychological issues after enduring such a false world.

It was not until I read a lot of psychology books and wrote all kinds of words that I finally healed from these tragic moments. Teenage life is a wasteland without rituals, rites of passage and initiations to move from one stage of life to another.

I am a teacher, ironically and I choose freshman to teach, the very age that I became the most wounded. Maybe I feel that I can be some kind of light in the darkness for the youth in our public high schools. I am healing little my little giving at least one young girl another path rather than to descend into the dark abyss that wants to eat her

 The question is was high school just a phase or were we pure in our intentions, feelings and experiences? I mean were we experiencing deep emotional things, like personality and creativity.  I will say that it was a false form- the high school dynamics, but each individual if they were half-way in touch with who they really were- weren't really that different than they are now- twenty years later.  I experienced some of my personal bests as an athlete during my teenage years.  I was a tennis player so that is the norm for that sport.  I was number one on all the teams I played on- that was three high school teams.  When I was fourteen- Dobson High School was the most competitive and I peaked as an athlete at 14.  Talk about depressing/awesome.  

Anyway the more interesting point is love and who you fell for and how pure was that?  Here is one very scary statistic of my H.S.  I fell for a guy my senior year.  It was amazing.  He was going out with someone else.  We did not have sex by accident really.  It did not matter.  The union wanted more than our worldly wants and desires could manage.  We tried to be more for another 5 or 6 years, but nothing significant happened.  He had many girlfriends and then at 35 years old decides to marry the girl he went out with in H.S- he broke up with her after his senior year.  Now I can see him marrying anyone else on the planet but her.  I know it was her life motivation to marry him, like a mission- special opts type of maneuvers.  Anyway to each his own sort of. 

What has provoked this whole debate.  I am a victim of Face-book and finding old friends.  My life has not been filled with a load of people as friends.  I have had amazing friends - a choice of people I could never create if I was a Goddess myself.  I mean really my friends are just amazing- they are unique and wonderful.  I miss them all- but at the same time I understand that we had our time in the sun together.  I believe if I go back and find them it would be bad form.  So I have found a good friend from H. S. but I have noticed that she has all the people from H.S as her friends.  I really didn't like a lot of those people.  And the whole feeling that I need to prove myself comes flooding back.  So my photo and the girl that was going out with the guy I fell for, who is now married to him, is right next to my photo- like we are in the H.S Yearbook photos.  It is down right scary.  I don't go to reunions for just this reason.  I would feel like I had the scarlet letter on my chest if I walked into that arena of people.  It was known for a long time that the guy and I saw each other as friends after H.S. - he brought be to the same circle of friends.  Actually it was either her or I at the big functions.  Strange how things turn out. 

Face-book is a strange phenomena.  I don't post random things.  I write on hub pages and or say something specific to my friends.  I am not sure how it all will work out.  I don't want a lot of friends because I feel that I should give special attention to my friends and I barely have time for myself and my husband.   

  This a is a Christmas gift to myself.  I was born in December and I think I understand winters.  There are many different kinds.  We go through the physical winter season every year, but there are other kinds.  I think we have been living in a long extended winter of humanity.  A time with less light and thus the world is full of negativity, maybe this season is almost over.  Here is a gift for all of you- it applys to all of us even though it as a western slant- we are all on a quest. 

A lamp (torch) am I to thee that beholdest me
A mirror am I to thee that perceivest me
A door am I to thee that knockest at me                  

                                  Jesus said to Disciples                  

                                   Apocryphal Acts of John                   

                    A Heretic’s Prayer 

A Round Dance and a cross conceive time

Darkness begs for forgiveness

Light’s return begins within

An endless winter is coming to an end.  

The torch, the mirror, the door

Awaits the mystai (initiate)

The quest has begun 

The spirit locked away

beckons the initiation

The soul conspires against the tired façade

Are you a ghost waiting for resurrection?

A heretic lies beneath the wave of deceit

Holding truth with her last breath. 

Traverse the threshold

Take the burning flame in hand

Seek the eyes that reflect righteousness 

follow the hidden path to the final door

For rapturous particles shall melt ignorance

Passion will flood barren hearts. 

Flesh and bone shall carry us like

sailing ships bound for the horizon

The Beyond is not far

pass through winter’s long wicked reign

enter Mystery’s sacred door

and Gaze into the Mirror and see the Son.                     

                            Kori, 2009         

While some think their is only one love-soul mate out their for each of us, I spin a different wheel.  I believe these first loves, deep loves- whether romantic, family and strange brief encounters all contribute to our portfolio of life.  We are so much more than we appear to be.  We have relationships that go beyond what we label them here.  I have been lucky in my life to have experienced a lot- adventure, excellence, failure, heartache, and redemption.  How all these experiences happened is beyond words- poetry may be the only limited-yet more clear way to express them.  I do not believe in traditonal roles.  I was so lucky to experience an amazing awakening between the ages 5 to 17- I was a rookie to life- and then I dove in- my first loves range from physical, athletic, contracts eternity old, adventures on the other side of the world- Deepness, harshness- a super-sized combo meal at the most excellent thing called life.  I ordered it and received it- man what was I thinking.  This poem is for one or three or 10 first experiences where I understood the gravity of love- enigmatic as they were. 

Love implodes like an old star.

Space, being and particles of light

descend into the depths of time.

Born from a flame

a haunting pure desire

rises to consume all you are.  

The enigmatic union drowns your ego

 and the rapture of the other

saves you from yourself.

A slow burn consumes the fake and false pride   

The mystery, the god is the gravity between

As the storm fades

and time begins again

the divine hunter is

betrayed,

altered,

lost,

found. 

Sacred wind blows against matter,

waves of radiant hunger break against  

 jagged rocks  

Only a trickle of truth falls into her  

Solitary spirit  

Splinters of bliss bury themselves inside

secret chasms of his soul.  

Eros’ piercing arrow is marooned forever in the pulsing organ  

Blood seeps into every avenue of your being  

the scar of the first rapture  

is eternal.  

The mind pushes, waiting for reasons 

  But the blissful ache is a silent unending song 

Passion crucifies 

 another willing zealous victim   

Resurrection opens a door

For first love never dies                                              

   K.L.F.P 2009

I never thought I would feel like the Wall would rise ever higher around and beyond my head, so I could not see over it.  I never thought I would have to build a Wall to keep any of my family out.  I thought the Wall was saved for psycho governments and bosses, and teacher who humilated you in the middle of class.  I say this expression a lot - and Ironically I am a teacher.  But now teaching is so freedom-oriented- we allow all kinds of naste words and direct insults to pass in the classroom that their are no walls.  The only problem is that my students will go up against a major Wall of society when they get out of High School - and cannot keep up with the game.  Then it will be "another Brick in the Wall."  Mostly because the status quo is keeping the poor -poor and the rich keep getting richer. 

My own Wall has just started construction when I turned 30.  I have to build a wall to keep my brother out.  We were best friends for my whole life- minus three years - which I would not remember clearly because I was only three years old when he came into this world.  So when he married the "dirty girl" he changed.  Now it just formality.  He no longer cares for anyone that was in his life previous to his wife. 

My mother and father, especially my father listened to Pink Floyd- and knew what they meant.  My parents never did anything to make us feel that we were being monitored or policed.  We were free essentially.  So how does one of the members of the group go "A WALL?" 

It is so hard to explain.  We, as a family, were beyond a family.  We liked each other on a basic level, we did not mind spending holidays together- actually we enjoyed it.  Now it is so dysfunctional that is not worth having.  So I build my wall high to protect my heart.  And as the Vampire/monster(sister-in-law) feeds off of my brother, I will invest in a plantation of Garlic, Silver bullets and wooden crosses to hunt with.  If it was only that simple, it would be lovely. 

I think my brother is "comfortably numb".... He has sold his soul.   Another Brick in the WAll. 

Here are the lyrics to the Pink Floyd song- Mother. 

Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb?
Mother, do you think they'll like this song?
Mother, do you think they'll try to break my balls?
Mother, should I build the wall?
Mother, should I run for President?
Mother, should I trust the government?
Mother, will they put me in the firing line?
Is it just a waste of time?

Hush now baby, baby, don't you cry
Momma's gonna make all of your nightmares come true
Momma's gonna put all of her fears into you
Momma's gonna keep you right here under her wing
She won't let you fly, but she might let you sing
Momma's will keep Baby cozy and warm
Oooo Babe
Oooo Babe
Ooo Babe, of course Momma's gonna help build the wall

Mother, do you think she's good enough
For me?
Mother, do you think she's dangerous
To me?
Mother will she tear your little boy apart?
Mother, will she break my heart?

Hush now baby, baby, don't you cry
Momma's gonna check out all your girlfriends for you
Momma won't let anyone dirty get through
Momma's gonna wait up until you get in
Momma will always find out where you've been
Momma's gonna keep Baby healthy and clean
Oooo Babe
Oooo Babe
Ooo Babe, you'll always be Baby to me

Mother, did it need to be so high?

I can't seem to let the investigation go.  I get totally seized by the mysterious things about Jesus' Life.  I am not a traditional Christian.  I do believe in God.  I am interested in investigating different ideas.  I like to uncover what has been covered up.  I believe that powerful men manipulated many different teachings surrounding Jesus.  So now we have this half- view of what happened.  I don't believe we will know the complete truth. 

The main questions I have are: 

Where was Jesus between the age of 12 and 30? 

Why did a woman annoint him? 

What was the Jewish religion like at the time?  Some say that the pharisees were not the only group of Jewish people at the time. 

What was Jesus teaching to his disciples?  It had to be different than what he taught the masses or why have disciples. 

Did Jesus really die on the cross?  National Geographic did a historical study of crucifixiations and it takes about three days to die.  Jesus, according to Luke and Mark, was only on the cross for 9 hours.  Why did Joseph of Arimetha bring herbs that heal instead of embalming herbs?  Where was his body? 

What role did Egypt Secret Mysteries play in Jesus' story?  Horus has almost exactly the same story and actual scriptures are exactly the same. 

There are too many mysteries for an intelligent believer to dismiss.  We cannot revert backward and take it on faith.  I do not believe that the masses are suppose to sit in their pews and say the words and not experience a shift of consciousness.  Jesus did not want us to be rational western biggots- he wanted us to be mystics who are initiated into the holy way.  To live with compassion, love and forgiveness in our hearts all the time.  It is about experience here on Earth, not waiting for the judgement day- or some special group who will be beamed up at the end of times.  So I am going to find the answers to these questions and try to move myself higher on the ladder to compassion and understanding. 

I have written about some of the mysteries- Judas- Esoteric Jesus-  on hubpages

http://hubpages.com/hub/Esoteric-Christ

 http://hubpages.com/hub/Gospel-of-Judas-Mystery-of-Jesus-Continues

I f you do research on the Gospels that were recently found in the desert near the Nile River then you would know that their is evidence of Mary Magdelene being the "Beloved"disciple of Jesus.   The city is near this area is Nag Hammadi and an Egyptian peasant found buried jars that contained ancient manuscripts.  This all happened in 1945.  These documents contained The Gospel of Thomas, Gospel of Philip, The Gospel of Mary Magdalene.  So what does this have to do with Mary and Jesus.  The most controversial piece out of all these ancient gnosis (secret teachings) is that both Mary and Philip say things like why does Jesus kiss Mary on the mouth.  Peter gets really mad and asks why Jesus speaks with Mary more than the others.  When you begin to read the Gospel of Mary it is a lot more complex than the Gospels of John, Mark, Luke, Thomas, and Philip.  The questions begin.  Why did Mary anoint Jesus.  How could a woman have the authority to anoint the possible son of god.  Who was the one person that witnessed the resurrection?  Mary.  Now that bible researches now have these New-Ancient documents- it becomes clear that Mary was the only one evolved enough to see Jesus in his resurrected form.  The anointing of Jesus is not a Hebrew tradition- it is more Egyptian.  Many believe that Jesus was part of a Jewish Mystic tradition that allowed women to study.  The general Hebrew mainstream would not allow a woman to be any authority in the temple.  We know Jesus advocated for the poor, the outcasts and probably allowed women to follow him.  So if he found a woman who was well read, gifted in the art of dreaming and healing then why would he not teach her more.  Since the beginning of time the Status Quo wants to keep the mainstream in their grasp.  If they down play women, even give them a negative spin-like Mary is a prostitute- which never has been proven in the bible- then you are in the grasp of the powers that be.  If you want to empower yourself and realize that women have always been near the fight, great leaders and powerful healers and mystics then step and do your own research.  Mary was an advance soul who was a major part of Jesus' initiation into the mystical arts of the day- which still puts him at the top.  That is to say he was the most evolved being to ever walk this earth- along with a couple others Buddha and Mary?  Some say that Mary helped Jesus attain the ultimate act- to go beyond death.  How did she help him- well that might be another story.  People want to say that to be a Buddha and a Christ is not possible if a woman is involved.  Christ did not arrive on Earth as the son of God- the whole missing years of Jesus- going to India, Tibet and the east to learn, meditate, fast, study, face his demons, and confront a feminine being to acknowledge that to be human is to embrace both masculine and feminine energy.  To deny one or the other will weaken you as a human. 

Sex is such a western Taboo- which is a small tragedy- or big one considering how we berate ourselves for enjoying it too much or whatever other hang ups we have about it. 

Both Buddha and Jesus had to engage in spiritual sexual practices as part of their spiritual development.  It is not about animal desire- but attaining female energy by being with a female.  It is not about ***********, but being a master of your entire breath, mind, body, and Kundalini. (In its hidden state, the kundalini is said to be sheer potentiality. This is only relatively correct, for the Goddess energy is always active on our behalf, maintaining all the subtle energetic processes that underlie our physical and mental structures and functions.)(Kundalini: Awakening the Serpent Power
by Georg Feuerstein)

  It is so far beyond the western -"give me pleasure now" mode of existing that people get confused and fearful.  They want sex to be a dirty thing and whatever else.  It is part of procreation and if you are committed-even in your relationships and opening to higher states of consciousness.  Even if you are married, with your partner-males, females- whatever combination twist you engage in- to commit yourself- to vow that you will love someone is a step in the right direction.  Now using your body as a vehicle of the divine- yoga- sexual relations with RIGHT mind then there is another step to a higher level of being.  Anyway you must do your own research on what this all leads to. 

The ultimate point is that there is a lot more going on in the past and present if anyone wants to jump up a couple of levels and search for the meaning of this life. 

 Mary and Jesus as partners does not diminish the presence of Jesus- He represents our highest human potential.  Of course I do not believe he is the son of God- We are all the sons and daughters of God. 

                    "I am the mirror, the torch, the door, the way" 

                                                         Jesus from the Gospel of John The Round Dance

I feel like I live on an alter with my blood dripping into a cauldron.  It seems like a stretch, maybe even too dramatic of an image, but it is true.  Maybe the true thing dripping are my tears.  Why am I living on the sacrifical alter- I have been sacrificed for the love of another.  It is not what you think.  I believe you can only sacrifice your blood relations- those are truely the only real sacrifices.  The sacrificing of children would be the ultimate sacrifice.  REally I think threre is no need for any sacrifice in any way shape or form.  It is a false idea that one thing must be sacrificed to get another.  It is so base and archaic.  Yes- I would say the Christian got it wrong.  They took antiquities ritual of Sacrifice and tried to make it a universal theme with their savior sacrificing himself for us.  I mean come on - What kind of god would expect a sacrifice from his son- and what is this son business- Does god have daughters and sisters and uncles- I mean give me a break people.  God is not human.  Sorry.

Anyway back to my original point which was my brother sacrificing me on the alter.  he simply walks away like I never really was anything to him.  It is not only me, but my father, uncles.  We are a very close and adventuresome family.  My brother learned his present business from my uncles and got a 50,000 dollar loan from my father.  All of them are cut to pieces, forgotton like garbage and this is the kind of thing one cannot get over. 

His idol and worship is human in the worst way.  She does not know her own demented nature and stealing tiny parts of my brother soul's and in turn he sacrifices all of the people he once loved and helped him get to where he is today. 

W inter's cold flame

                          burns us awake.

Endless desolation will no longer reign

     darkness sails its last voyage.

Light hunts us like prey

Run not for flames move higher

and higher day by day.

We come to the edge where

thought has not been

extending ourselves into

heaviness again and again.

Pioneers reaching beyond

we are the tired flame

blazing,

rising,

into the unknown

burning a path with

flesh and bone. 

         KLF 2008

My Grandfather was MIA in the South Pacific, WWII, 1944  The USS Suwanee was Kamikazed, he was blown off and survived.

       Maybe it was growing up on the West Coast of Florida during the Depression that saved him.  Water was a natural part of his life.  Finding food and selling it to survive was just the first part of his training.  I always thought because he was in the water as much as he was on land- that this was the reason he survived in the warm water of the Philippines. 

My grandfather joined the Navy in 1941-went to boot camp.  The day he finished boot camp, he had his duffel over his shoulder and on his way to Mississippi for more technical training- the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor.  He was actually standing in line for the train to Mississippi the Morning of Dec. 7Th(ironically my Birthday) 1941- and they just shifted the line.  My grandfather got on a ship to Iceland the next day!!!!  Remember he is a Southern Man- only been in the warm tropical air his whole life. 

For the next three years he lived on the USS Suwanee (Ironically the River in Florida) and ported in 1942 in Boston-met my grandmother at a Dance.  He wanted to go to a John Wayne movie but his buddy convinced him"with a two headed coin" to go to a USO Dance.  My grandmother being the brat that she was was only 16- and went to the dance against her father's wishes!!!  Hmmm Fate had it good for these two.  They met and danced.  My grandfather was invited to my grandmother's friends house for Easter dinner- and that was it.  They courted each other through letters for the next two years.  Met for one day!!! and built a life on just that. 

On October 25, 1944 the USS Suwanee was in the Philippines trying to back down the Japanese from that area.  My grandfather was just a Baker on the ship- no big heroic pilot or anything.  The Battle stations bell rang and all crew had to report.  My grandfather was a first class Seamen.  So he reported and here came a Kamikaze right threw the ship.  My grandfather was blown off.  He jokes that everything burned right off him except for this left sock.  He said he put his arm around a sealed empty medical can.  And the salt water must of healed his wounds.  I think he has good Spanish skin that is tough- I am a red head and I have some of his skin underneath my freckles and I can get pretty tan for a being a redhead.  So he is MIA and floating around the warm waters of the South Pacific.  A CV boat finds him.  They wrap him up like a mummy because of the burns.  I am not sure if they hung them upside down on the top deck- but if it was not a medical boat they had to transfer them- so they hung them on a rail to be transferred.  So my grandfather is hanging, wrapped like a mummy and in pain.  He notices that some of the non-moving burned mummy sailors are thrown over the side because they thought they were dead.  So my grandfather wiggles to save his life.  He said the flies were insane, hovering around the smelly burnt flesh.  So they transferred the burned victims along a long metal wire that is connected from ship to ship.  They put my grandfather in a metal container and he rides a wire from one ship to the other. 

Now he is on a medical ship, the Japanese Kamikaze that.  So finally my grandfather makes it to New Guinea because they have a burn unit there.  He has lost all memory of who he is and what happened.  This goes on for two weeks.  The priest speaks with him everyday trying to help him remember.  When he finally regains his memory my great-grandmother in Florida has no idea that he is alive, she got the report that he was MIA.  My grandfather decides to write my soon-to-be grandmother that he is OK and survived. 

The story doesn't end there.  The Navy made a mistake and put my grandfather on another boat for duty after he was almost blown to pieces.  He thought it was his duty so he just did what they said.  On the way to Pearl Harbor the ship experienced a pretty bad typhoon- the ship was in the middle of the storm and my grandfather got thrown out of bed.  He hit his head hard and went sort of nuts.  He punched everything he could feel and or touch.  He got arrested and put in the "Brink" Jail.  All the men had heard the story and they were upset about this incident.  The captain finally heard word of this so went down to talk with my grandfather to get the whole story.   When the captain found out what my grandfather went through he said he would take care of it as soon as they got to Pearl Harbor.  The captain kept his word and escorted my grandfather personally to the Navy Headquarters and made sure he went home.  He did go stateside, but ended up in what my grandfather called the "Luny Ben" in Oregon.  As far as I can tell from his stories- he didn't mind following around the nurses as their "assistant" while he was there.  So my grandmother went to meet him in Oregon I think.  They got married soon after and started their life together. 

This was just the beginning for my grandfather's adventures.  He was never bitter and had a beautiful life- four children- moved out west.  He had his own business building fences.  He lives on a Ranch in Mariposa as I write this. He is 89.  He never had scars or burned looking skin. He knows all of us still, but can't remember the past much anymore.   He was and is a major positive influence in my life and all of my families.  My mother is his daughter, my father was adopted so to speak by him- He was a great mentor to my father.  If I only had words to express what a great man he is and it is not about the heroic survival, but the attitude about life and how you move on and make the best of it.